What Christmas Dreams Are Made Of

Well, I know what's topping my list for Santa this year. As a matter of fact, I think all across America, little girls are going to bed hoping that this fantastic new Barbie finds her way into their stockings.



Now, I'm sure I'll be accused of being politically incorrect, but really, this Barbie is kind of scary when we look at her closely. She has a beautiful face, though she's made to look as if you could scrape her make-up off with a butter knife. Please, Mattel, for the love of Bensonhurst, release some natural looking head molds. I for one would love to see CliniqueBarbie who strives to look neutral and dewy, instead of the usual metallic, 70s-esque eye-makeup they love to cake on Doctor and even Astronaut Barbie. Seriously, do we need to be glamorous on the moon, or in a space station where the gender ratio is like 11:1, male? On the whole, the company is giving way too many girls the wrong impression of what it means to look good, and when they grow up, it just isn't pretty.





Getting back on track however, it's not the make-up or even the mesh shirt (that I thought went out of style around the time The Hellfire moved out of the Meat-Packing District) that makes this doll so frightening. What really makes my mouth gape is the "show-stopping headpiece" as they refer to it. I say, it's a bird cage. They turned her braids into a bird cage. How completely unsanitary and off the wall. Who walks around with a bird in her hair, besides that lunatic bus driver on South Park? Who would want to?

Barbie, what have you been smoking lately? First the questionable breakup with Ken, and now your African counterpart keeps birds in her hair. Honey, I think your stylists might be flying over their own proverbial cuckoos' nests.